Thursday, September 10, 2009

Update: Qwest Communications and inferior rural telephone service in Arizona

From my previous blog, most of you know I’m not too pleased with the quality of service my local telephone company provides. After several days, Qwest finally responded to my email. Their response didn’t do all that much to correct any issues. In fact, they did nothing. It was more of an insult than anything else.

Their apology is supposed to mean something to me? I already know they are sorry or more like “sorry-ass”. This is the real world and I’m looking for results not sympathy or pity. The big bad evil phone company is NOT the victim here. As a paying customer, all I want is what I pay for. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.

If they think that saying they’re sorry is going to make me be nice to them and be humble and all that, they are seriously mistaken. I don’t want to be their friend. This is the point where I begin pulling out all the stops. The best means to this end is to deprive them of money.

One of my biggest pet peeves regarding the phone company is the bill itself. I might make two phone calls a month and the bill is always three pages long. Why do they waste so much paper? They don’t need three pages to nickel and dime me with silly charges such as the Federal Access Charge, Regulatory Surcharge, Telecommunication Relay Service Fund and Related Monthly Charges whatever the hell they are. They even use the word “fund” in an apparent attempt to make it sound like some kind of charitable contribution.

Along with the three page bill, my envelope is always stuffed with a bunch of crap I throw away without ever bothering to read. They are killing off entire forests to send me waste paper. They have done this for decades. Greenpeace should be out there cutting down telephone poles, spiking trees or something.

I should write 60 Minutes and ask Andy Rooney to talk about his phone bill on network TV. Is anybody still watching regular TV?

I think I’m going to kill my caller ID. They charge me $9.00/month for it and I almost never answer my phone. The primary reason I have a land line is for my dial up internet. I spend less than one hour a month talking on the telephone. I could put that $9.00 to better use. In fact, I got my eye on this pair of black English made Gripfast 10-eye steel toe boots.

I really should make lots of changes to my phone service. It would keep one of their customer service representative busy for a long time while I try to make up my mind what to do. Just wasting their time would be worth it. AT&T raised my simple minutes plan rate last month. It’s high time I dump them as well. Hopefully, I’ll be able to trim as much as 30% off my bill before I’m finished.

Between bills, Qwest bombards me with all sorts of junk mail. They want to steal more money from me under the guise of saving money. How many of you would pay more to somebody you don’t like? My paper shredder is full of crap from Qwest.
My previous blog:

Re: Customer Support
Dear Harry,
Thank you for your recent e-mail inquiry to Qwest in regards to your phone service. I apologize for the delay in responding to your e-mail.
Thank you for notifying us about the unsatisfactory customer service experience that you recently encountered. Please accept our apologies for not meeting your expectations. Your valuable feedback has been forwarded for review and developmental training purposes.
Qwest appreciates your business and values you as a customer. Our goal is to provide you with excellent service. If you need further assistance, please visit us online at for a variety of customer service options.
Qwest Customer CareConsumer Markets

John doesn’t even have the testicular fortitude to give his last name. It wouldn’t surprise me that there are angry customers out there that have gone as far as to threaten these representatives. I picture these people cautiously exiting their phone rooms and looking over their shoulders on the way to their cars.

The generic statement in their response doesn’t mean a thing to me. As sure as the sun comes up, my dial tone will not be there the next time it rains. If I’m lucky, lightning will strike the pole and it will crash to the ground.

The utility pole across the street was cracked a few years ago because some drunk Mexicans slammed a car into it. Despite obvious signs of structural weakness, I had to twist arms to get the pole replaced with a nice steel one. I’ve been anxiously awaiting the next carload of drunks to test its’ strength.

“It is my heart-warmed and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.” --Mark Twain, Christmas greeting, 1890


  1. Success! I managed to reduce my telephone bill by nearly 1/3. I gave AT&T "the boot" and I couldn't be happier.

  2. Their response didn’t do all that much to correct any issues. In fact, they did nothing. It was more of an insult than anything else. mypbx